Mi Familia (Again)

What annoys me more than anything? One guess and I'll give you a hint: it's the same reason I live 2000 miles away.

That's right, it's my family.

This morning my mom called and since the call came about 7 hours before she normally calls me I answered call thinking the reason for her call was some sort of emergency or death in the family.

Nothing. Just garbled background noise as though I'd been pocket dialed. But she just bought an iPhone 4 (or 4s, I really don't know) and as far as I know it's a little harder to pocket dial those handsets with screen dialers than phones with physical keyboards.

So I call her. "Did you call me?"

"No.

"Yes you did, at 7:15 this morning."

"I did? Oh, I must have dialed you from my purse."

That seemed weird to me since most modern touchscreen phones use a capacitive technology, which I'm told means electrical signal. The electrical signals transmitting throughout our skin is what forces the screen to select what we're touching. Nothing with a current touches the screen and nothing happens. That's why you can't use a pencil or a stylus or a fingernail to select items on your phone.

Then I was informed that you _can_ select items on your capacitive touchscreen without actually touching the screen. But, that's another story for another day by another blogger.

Okay, so maybe my mom did purse-dial me. For the sake of the story I'll move on.

She spends the rest of the time on the phone telling me what she's doing as though I'm following a really annoying Twitter account. "I'm driving around the parking lot looking for a space." "I'm parked, let me change ears so I can use my other hand." I'm in the store now and heading for the [whatever] department."

And on. And on. And on.

Finally she asks me if I've heard from my brother, T.

T and I share a father, but different mothers. T recently became engaged to the woman he's been with since the mid-90s and neglected to inform me via phone call, email, text message, letter or card, that he became engaged. I only found out about it because I saw a status of his on one of those rare occasions I'm on Facebook. His status was something vague like: Thanks for all the congratulations, guys.

I popped in an wrote, congratulations for what? He replies: There was an engagement.

Fan-friggin-tastic. What kind of engagement, I asked. At this point, I'm fairly certain he's the engaged one, but I really don't know for certain. An "engagement" could mean a number of things, and since he's been with this woman for a decade and a half, I wasn't sure if it was a marriage engagement or something other form of engagement.

The kind of engagement where one person asks a question and another answers came his reply.

Why the f*ck is he being so cryptic?

A few other people pop in at this point and offer more congratulations. I come back an hour or so later and say something like, I know it's not a marriage engagement because as your brother I would expect at least the respect of a phone call or an email letting me know you're engaged.

And that was it. I never heard another word from him. It's been two and a half months and I still haven't heard from him. A few weeks after this FB exchange I spoke with our other brother, A. We talked about this and that, what's going on in your life -- nothing -- what's going on in yours? You know, that sort of thing.

I finally told him about my exchange with T. That's when he let me know T was pissed at me. Huh? How is he pissed at me? I live 2000 miles away, T never calls me on my birthday or follows up with my life and I got tired of reaching out to him for information on his. Heck, I was homeless and in Florida staying with my mom (T's stepmom) for 3 months and even though he was only about 2 hours away he never once called and invited me over for dinner or drive the two hours to see me while I was there.

So, again, how was he pissed at me?

Apparently I didn't congratulate him on his engagement and he's mad that he's not the center of my universe. I explained to A that T still has yet to actually tell me he's engaged. When he does, I'll congratulate him.

Anywho, I'm explaining all of this to my mom when she says what she always says, "You know [T], he's always been a jerk." And he has. He's always tried to manipulate people and I can recall clearly once when he tried to manipulate our dad and Dad threw a fit. He's also very competitive, having to one-up anyone he thinks he can. You got promoted, he got promoted faster. You make X amount of money, he makes X plus 5 dollars, you have a 1000sq foot house, he just bought a 2000sq foot house.

He always has to have the bigger fish.

I've never been motivated by physical gain or monetary success and I think that annoys my family.

So, my mom asks me if I've heard from T. No, why should I, I ask. "Apparently he's only sending out invites to people he knows will come to the wedding instead of everyone, so I thought he'd call and ask if you were going to make it."

I haven't heard from him. I seriously doubt I'm even invited, I told her. He's getting married in February in Vegas, so I might go and wedding crash just to prove a point, but I have yet to be contacted via phone, via email, via Facebook, via carrier pigeon or via any other avenue of communication about whether or not I want to go to his wedding.

For the record, no I don't. Like I said, he's been with D for somewhere around 15 years already so this is (in my opinion) just a move for tax breaks or other legal reasons. You know, those reasons gay people who are in committed relationships don't get. However, I digress.

But, T is my brother and I will go to his wedding if I'm invited -- and perhaps if I'm not invited. [enter maniacal laughter] That's what brothers do for one another.

I then go on to relate to  my mom how little sense it made that I came to Florida, in dire straights, and T wouldn't even take the time to call me or see me in the 3 months I was there. My sister, K, did, and my brother A spoke with me on the phone a number of times, but T made no effort to acknowledge me at all. I stayed with my brother C enroute to Florida. Why was T being such as ass?

She said she understood. I told her she doesn't. She said she did. I told her she didn't, with a more firm tone. She tried to tell me that when she goes back to her hometown sometimes her high school friends don't have time to visit with her to which I replied it wasn't even near the same thing. "You go up for a week and yes, sometimes their lives get in the way of seeing you -- I was down there for 3 months and T couldn't find the time to ask me over for lunch or come see me for a beer. Nothing! It's not like he couldn't find an afternoon in 3 months. It's not the same thing at all and you can't understand how little sense that makes to me!"

"But I..."

"But nothing. Have you ever, in your life, traveled across the country to spend a significant amount of time somewhere and had family who snubbed you?" No. "Then you don't understand." She admitted at that point that she couldn't.

Don't get me wrong, my feelings aren't hurt, but I am angry. Angry that the whole situation doesn't make any sense. I have friends come to Denver and I move heaven and Earth to make sure I make time for them. My brother A came weeks after I foreclosed on my house and I made sure I made time for him and his friends.  I'm in Florida for 3 months and my brother T couldn't make an afternoon for me or invite me over for dinner at his house? Really?

By now I was annoyed with my mom and I think she heard it through my tone of voice because she excused herself and hung up.

I stay away from my family on purpose. Every single one of them is a beer swilling fried-food eating asshat. Not a single one of them as an enlightened understanding bereft of the physical need to prove their worth to society without amassing possessions. I tried that game once, when I was younger. It never sat well with me to choose fashion over function, or keeping up with the Joneses.

Anywho, my family annoys me. If you didn't read this entire post and just skipped down to the bottom to see if I attached a picture of some sort, then take away that sentiment and you'll get the gist of this entry.